There is nothing wrong in Not Knowing


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Yesterday I wrote about exploring looking at my role as a Tarot reader from a different angle. I know that what I am writing about will reawaken Tarot readers relationship to the cards. It has too. Why? Because we Tarot readers for a long time have been borrowing from others, information about the Tarot. When you begin to see the Tarot again from a naked perspective, like child seeing the world for the first time, you will be simply dazzled in amazement. The world free from limitations.

It is so easy when you begin to use the Tarot to look towards other experts for meanings about what the Tarot is. It is a natural phenomenon to feel that others know more than you, especially when they have written a book. A book is like a stamp of authority that is easy to bow down to and I too have looked towards countless books on the Tarot for guidance. But what has eluded me was my own definition of the Tarot, that did not arrive from my head, but was born through direct experience in my Heart.

What I begun to notice when reading Tarot books, is that everyone has an answer for what the Tarot is. Some Tarologists go so far as to give vague theories as to where the Tarot came from. But I have chosen to do none of this and my goal is to walk with the beginner, someone who knows nothing about the Tarot and those who have experience in playing around with the Tarot, to invite them to let go of all their answers and begin again from a fresh mind, a tabula rasa.

So what is the Tarot?

I have no answer as to what the Tarot is. Even after 15 years of looking at these cards, I cannot tell you what the Tarot is. It is simply a mystery to me, seeking to be known and each time I grasp a piece of the puzzle, it shape shifts its form and transforms itself into something else.

I sat in meditation, holding my 22 Major Arcana Tarot Marseilles deck close to my Heart. Many years ago a mysterious Tarot teacher taught me this method of playing with the Tarot cards. She said that when you hold the Tarot cards close to you Heart, the Tarot cards breathe in the vibrations of the heart, so that the cards that you choose after shuffling them are resonating with you on a Heart level. I do not know if this is true, but it simply feels good to do, its my sacred way of connecting and getting into an intuitive plane of consciousness.

I asked the question: What is the Tarot? I thought about all those years that I have been giving Tarot readings, all the questions that people have asked me, all the visions and symbols that have touched me, and after shuffling the cards until I got an instinctive sense to stop, I chose one card to reflect a response to this question.

The card that came up was the Sun card:The Sun Card Tarot Marseilles

I begun to look at the card and actively listen to what would begin to appear in my mind’s eye in the form of images, ideas, sounds and realizations. This is what naturally begins to happen. But on this occasion, I decided to not refer to what I have read about the Sun card from other Tarot books and actually just look and forget that I am trying to adhere to a tradition, forget to look for astrological corrolations, forget trying to see the numerolgical value of the card and just look and wait to see without really knowing what I was actaully looking for.

So this is what became present to me: Energy+Life giving+ Light+ Awareness+ the centre+Truth+Higher Consciousness+ Beauty+ Power

Questions begun to bubble within me, so how do these keywords relate to my question?

Is the the Tarot, Energy, Life giving, Light, Awareness, the centre, Truth, High Consciousness, beauty and power?

What does the Sun do?

How is the Sun like the Tarot?

I than decided to let go and wait for further realizations to come through. How tempting it was to walk with those crutches, as if the answer was the prize or that having the meaning right now this second was the most important thing.

I also begun to ask:

  • Why do I give Tarot readings?
  • Why do people have a Tarot reading?
  • What do people expect when they have a Tarot reading?
  • What does the Tarot mean to me?
So the morning after sleeping on the question, it hit me hard, that I was looking at the Tarot as if the Tarot cards were outside of me. When people call to have a Tarot reading with me they want to know what the Tarot cards are saying, as if the Tarot cards have their own consciousness. This is why I think people place a lot of power into the  Tarot cards but they forget an important aspect of the dynamic, the Tarot reader.
I am that I am. My astrological sign is Leo. Here the Sun card mirroring back to me what I knew on a Heart level. I am the Tarot. I cannot exist outside the Tarot reading as a passive viewer. The very fact of me looking at the Tarot cards, effects the Tarot reading.
This realization is for me. It does not have to be anyone else’s insight. I am open to accept that other people will have their own personal awakenings about the Tarot and I have not right to dispute them. But my commitment is to share what I know from direct experience.
It makes sense that in my Tarot readings, my desire is to give people more strength, self empowerment, self understanding and a reminder that the world is a beautiful place to live and that our greatest gift is being able to access Higher States of Consciousness.
The Tarot for me is a doorway to a dimension where you can see events, people and experiences from a different perspective, like an eagle with panoramic perspective.
As a Tarot reader, my role is ceaselessly grow spiritually. Because I am the Tarot, who I am effects the Tarot reading. A person comes to me to have a Tarot reading to get a sense of how to experience more power, energy and love. More meaning in their life.
What use would it be for someone to see me if I have a negative outlook onto life. Being the Sun, I share my light equally, without discrimination, all are worthy of receiving this life giving nourishment. So the Tarot for me is a way to shed light on a situation and to see things from an enlightened state of mind.
This is why I feel a calling to be the founder of  the Contemporary Tarot Association, facilitating a space for other Tarot readers to  help people see that it is not the Tarot cards or the Tarot reading that they are choosing. They making a conscious choice about choosing the right TAROT READER for them because of the Tarot reader’s, values, philosophy and how they live their life.
I hope what I have shared has given food for thought and I would like to invite others to explore the same experiment that I have tried and share their insights about what is the Tarot from their own direct experience.
I look forward to updating a new Tarot lesson for tomorrow.
“What I am trying to do when I use symbols is to awaken in your unconscious some reaction. I am very conscious of what I am using because symbols can be very dangerous. When we use normal language we can defend ourselves because our society is a linguistic society, a semantic society. But when you start to speak, not with words, but only with images, the people cannot defend themselves.”
― Alejandro Jodorowsky
Don’t forget that I am offering a FREE 22 week Tarot Course. To find more click onto the following link:
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23 thoughts on “There is nothing wrong in Not Knowing

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  7. Hey, guy. Really like your stuff. Maybe we can be buds. I am the one who does the Daily OOMPH! tarot readings on Aggie’s blog, Hermetic Order for Humans. Blessed be, Cougina

    • Thanks for that Emmons,

      This is a very creative project for me and I hope it will be for you, I have some very interesting techniques to share, that are useful for beginner and grandmasters in the Tarot.

      Basically its all about discovering the Tarot through direct experience. Which you will discover more about in future blog posts this week.

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  9. Enjoying how you’re open to the tarot bringing you knowledge in a variety of ways. I find that the different method of doing readings seem to be primarily a structure that helps us get in touch with what is in our heads and in our hearts


  10. Thanks Catherine, that’t it! You have to make Tarot your own personal journey. Structure is good. Having a system to work from is also important. I hope what I share enables people to inspire themselves into the realization their greatest asset when studying the Tarot is their intuition. I look forward to reading your feedback.

    • Edgar,

      After over 40 years of doing readings, I find that, while the structure of a system of reading is important, more and more you start getting flashes of inspiration- things that are not necessarily there in the cards or the palm. And when you follow those flashes, you inevitably come to something that is deep and true for the person you are reading for.

      The structure, the method of reading, is a key that lets us unlock our own natural intuition.


  11. Bruce Lee the Martial Artist also had the same thought. I am not against the tradition of the Tarot. I love the Marseilles and Lenormand Tarot deck, which are very traditional Tarot decks, but what I see missing is Tarologists not inviting people to let go of what other Tarologists have said about what the Tarot cards mean.

    what if the Sun card in the Major Arcana does not mean the same thing as what Shasha fenton, Russel Grant, Ruth Ann and Wald Amberstone, or Mary k Greer has described in their books about the energies of the Sun card?

    This is my whole point. What if our higher consciousness has a totally different reference point to what the Sun actually means?

    This is what I am inviting Contemporary Tarologists to explore. To dare experience the Tower, and knock down those out dated structures and no longer resist the change that is immanent.

    I no longer consult Tarot books to find out the meanings of the Tarot cards and neither do I try to memorize what the cards have to say.

    The most important thing for me is to be still and listen to my inner wisdom and trust the images, visions, messages that flow through me, from my Higher Self. Everyone can do this, and this is what I wish to share with others.

    • I think that’s very wise of you.

      In my marriage, my husband is more experienced in the tarot, and I, while familiar with tarot, am drawn more to palmistry.

      I’ve found that there were some things in palmistry that weren’t found in the books, and, as I became more experienced, I began to get insight into new aspects of the palm that i hadn’t seen written anywhere.

      I’ve actually published a book (“Adventures in Palmistry”) to add these things to the body of knowledge available, as well as make palmistry more approachable and easy to understand. Part of the book and of classes I teach is encouraging my students and readers to listen to their own inner voices, take what knowledge speaks to them and combine it with their own inner wisdom


      • Thank you for sharing with me that you have a written a book on Palmistry. I have a sister who is interested in Palmistry, so I have ordered the book from Lulu for her, for her birthday.

        Life is so rich and vast. We all have our own unique message to the world. No matter how many people there are on this planet. Everyone of us has their own individual story to share with others.

        My friends do check out Catherine’s website:

        Wishing you wellness Catherine.

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  13. Your insight to the Tarot being “inside” of you makes a ton of sense, Edgar. I like the feeling of openness and newness about your approach. If we don’t refresh and renew, we’re moving backwards.

  14. Thank you, Edgar

    I hope your sister enjoys my book and it answers her questions. Please let her know that there is contact info in my bio in the back and, when she finishes the book, if she finds she still has questions, she is of course free to contact me and I’ll give her answers if I have them. There is always something unique popping up that isn’t covered in even the most complete book 🙂


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